The Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind.

I have long ago stopped living for happiness.Earlier,like many,my life seemed to be an system of constant effort for being happy or about finding some happy moments.They showed up,sometimes in the form of a trip,a get-together of family members or completion of some longed material desire.Somehow or the other,it turned out to be temporary.Very temporary.I was tossed back into the swirls of temporary emotion systems or like sadness.I learned how to define lowness or in other words,lack of happiness.
I dont know if it was by some coincidence or it was some black magic art,I fortunately learned what happiness was and I think I found it too,when I had just stopped the incoming of the desire of what the modern society defines as happiness.
This so called happiness we try to seek is not that worthy to be called happiness. It is not fulfilling and permanant.We all have our own ideas of happiness.Some feel happy after getting something materialistic like a car ,and some feel happy about an upcoming event.Now,you cant expect your idea of happiness to remain there for you forever.After every happiness comes this misery;they may be far apart or near.What about the happiness?It seemed so good and its gone in a jiffy.The desire asks for permanancy and that is impossible and we like this happiness so much that we want things to be like that forever which is just so impossible.Circumstances are bound to change,external turbulance has to strike and when that happens,in form of events or anything,sorrow strikes.We love this happiness so much that we for sure dont like the sorrow.
These are states,and these states must ever change;but there must be something which is permanant like the real happiness.
What we take as happiness is sensation.This sensation or this joy that we feel is always seeking further sensation,ever in wider and wider circles.There is no end to the pleasures of sensation;they multiply,but there is dissatisfaction in thier fulfillment,there is always desire for more,and this demand for more is without end.Sensation and dissatisfaction are inseperable,for the desire for more binds them together.Such a thing which can never be found is not happiness.Real happiness is not sensation.
So after many childish attempts I realised that and I stopped living on happiness.What we have to do is to stop living on happiness and sorrow.If we live on any of them,we wont find the permanancy.
I started living on beauty.I dont mean any kind of materialistic beauty because those too are temporary,but on the beauty of thoughts,emotions or life,like living on the beauty of sorrow and happiness,but not on happiness and sadness.I could feel beauty in everything;it was everywhere.
To be free from the desire for happiness kind of relives you from some heavyness because you feel lighter after quitting something so unreal.My aim was to become aware;aware of beauty all around-within and outside.There was beauty in the unreal happiness too;the way it functioned and how popular it was with the people.It seemed funny too.I could enjoy it because I never worried about the desire of its arrival again.The lessening magnitude of this worry made me enjoy sorrow too.It was just another feeling.I personally enjoyed the abusrd feelings of lowness that came with sadness.Sometimes,there was a slow stream of the traffic of thoughts and sometimes I was heavy with thoughts.My instinct,was to observe,and become involved and enjoy.Everything seemed to be beautiful;the power to shine like a star and even to be crushed like dust.Sometimes,I am too tired to think of anything and face a mental block and I close my eyes,in a state which is a average of the sum of restlessness and peace I feel after closing my eyes.I try to enjoy all this with google eyed amazement and the intensity of fascination is huge.
Sometimes I feel so tired that I have to surrender to the thought and tiredness.You let the whole thing take over you and you lose.It attacks you as gently and dissolves itself like a pain killer does in a glass of water.You can start enjoying it by just surrendering.Sometimes you have to surrender before you win.
Only through destroying myself can I discover the greater power of my spirit." Every moment is the greatest moment of your life and you're off somewhere,missing it.
Between the stumble and fall of anything,there was a tunnel of lengthened time and narrowed perspectives.You start feeling that everything happening has a contrast and effect that seems to be calculated which makes you awe in admiration for all what is happening.Whatever happens,you let it happen and try to enjoy it and take the beauty out of it.
Now, for me,all this sadness and happiness is something special and a daily meditation;some kind of art.
I may feel peace,turbulance,calmness,unstability,consciousness,ego or even egoless,but I dont stop feeling beauty.I even try to find beauty in a headache I suffer.Maybe the idea of trying to find beauty in such a stupid thing is beautiful itself.and what happens when you feel so much beauty around?It makes you feel good and beautiful.
It reminds me of a few movie lines and I agree that I feel exactly the same most of the times now.The character from the movie 'American Beauty' says that "sometimes I feel so much beauty that I think I am taking too much of it in a go.It makes my heart burst like a balloon and then I try to let it flow through me like rain and I cant feel anything but gratitude in my stupid little life."
We can find beauty anywhere,like the beauty in these lines,just trying to feel it in everything,like a instance when you dont have an answer to a question,and you sit down and think about the complexity and simplicity of the problem and take the beauty out of it.Maybe my inability to explain how I feel it is beautiful in itself.The whole purpose is to have fun.
And the whole idea is to be aware.
You start listening to the music coming from the blooming flowers,from the songs of the birds,and even from the smallest blade of glass and thorn of the bush.In everything lives the evidence of the beautiful.This gospel reveals that emphatic knowledge through which one learns truth and beholds the good in all its majesty and glory.When one learns the music of the mind or anything and appreciate her beauty,then his soul movies in harmony with its entire enviroment,and with this starts to fade away dissatisfaction which comes with sorrow.This means calmness increases and we dont have to worry about the instability because we have learned to enjoy it.
When one learns to fully appreciate the profundity of nature in its simplicity,then thoughts flows spontaneously to the appeals of this delicate senses when they come in contact with nature.This soul-vibrating experience,in its full harmony with the perfect orchestra of melodies and echos,reflects from the sounds of the ripples from the Ganges,the gushing of the winds,the rustling of the leaves,and the roar of the thundering clouds.

Go outside,whereever you are try and concentrate on the clouds,sounds of the birds,the movement of the leaves,you suddenly realise that you have become aware.You realise that you have been much less aware of the changes inside and the outside and when that does not happen we really cant expect there to be an equilibrium.

Of all the changes,the stream of our consciousness seems to be obliterating on its own banks,losing the main central direction,flooding the lowlands,disconnecting and isolating the highlands and to no particular reasons,seems to run less deep.Some channel deepening seems called for.

Such kind of awareness leads to Freedom.Now,what exactly is freedom?.First of all,Freedom is only of the mind.There is a sense of freedom which is free from anything,which has no cause,but which is a state of being free.We all say we would like to be free,but I think that before we pursue that desire with our inclinations or tendencies confront us,we should understand the structure and nature of freedom.Freedom is not being free from anger,jealously,pain,anxiety etc.,but it is being free from the reactions for such freedoms.

Children think that making them stop smoking is blocking freedom.That's Bullshit.I dont mind people smoking if they think its cool or if they want to kill themselves.It's thier life and whatever anybody does is by his own conscience and maybe its fine.I dont know much about the smoking part but It is related to freedom in a way.Be Aware of smoking,do not condemn,rationalize,or accept,simply be aware.If you are so aware there is the cessation of the habit;if you are so aware there will be no recurrence of it,but if you are not aware the habit will persist.This awareness is not the determination to cease or to indulge.It's about being aware of the action;being knowledge-less and thoughtless about it-to become fully aware and free of the cause and effect.
That's freedom.

Freedom is zero conflict within including the outside completely.Freedom is complete in itself,it is not a reaction,it is not an ideological conclusion.Freedom implies complete solitude,an inward state of mind that is not depentent on any stimulus,or any knowledge;it is not the result of any experience or conclusion.Freedom from the desire for an answer is essential to the understanding of a problem.This freedom gives the ease of full attention so that we can go inside and explore within ourselves the changes and understand the why.

We have to quit our ego and get out of it.We concentrate and we become aware.We are no longer limited.When this is attained,man thinks yet he does not think.He thinks like the showers coming down from the oceans;he thinks like the stars illuminating the nightly heavens;he thinks like the green foilage shooting forth in the relaxing spring breeze.Indeed,he is the showers,the ocean,the stars,the foilage.One has to go beyong self to gain universal consciousness after creating equilibrium to have all the answers.Our normal understanding of the world is what we see.It is not the reality,it is not the truth.That what we take for truth is the product of our thoughts,a certain creation of the mind.

The awareness talked about leads to meditation which can be done in many number of ways,and can be done by even concentrating on your breathing,as followed by many religions around the world.At first the mind has become concentrated on the object meditation(any sound,your breathing),and you feel all your wandering thoughts have vanished,your thoughts become one pointed.You practice a lot;a lot and comes a time when you forget you are meditating,you forget there is an object of meditation and you become one with existence itself.You become free.This is the essence of existence.Meditation means the mind has melted into the inner-self and you have realised that the inner-self contains everything.Our purpose is to realise that the self is complete in itself;it is god,and that we have the oppurtunity to realise that.Mind when concentrated on the real beauty and truth,is instrincally luminous.It is the light of knowledge:steady,bright and one pointed.This state could well be called a luminous awareness of unconditioned joy.This is our real nature.

If you sit quiet and look at the universe,you feel as if the universe is meditating.If you look at the sky,look at the waters;a vast expanse of waters;you feel as if they are meditating.Look at the mountains and you will feel there is silence beyond the mountains.Even if you sit quiet in london and see what people are doing,how fast they are going,you will feel behind all the service activity,there is meditative silence.Ordinary people spend thier lives running after temporary happiness,spend time quarelling and gossiping.I am just conveying what the upnishads explain.Its not easy to know our real self.Every soul is a sun covered with the clouds of ignorance;the difference owing to difference in density of layers.The states I mentioned must ever change;but the nature of soul is bliss,peace and understanding.We have not to get it,we have it,only wash away the dross and see it.Expect this infinite spirit,everything else is changing.There is the whirl of change.Permanance is nowhere to be found except in yourself.There is infinite joy,unchanging.

Arise!Awake!Awake from this hypnotism of weakness.None is really weak;the soul is infinite,omnipotent and omniscient.Stand up,assert yourself,proclaim the God within you,do not deny Him!Teach Yourselves,teach everyone your real nature,call upon the sleeping soul and see how it awakens.Power will come,purity will come,and everything that is excellent will come when this sleeping soul is roused to self conscious activity. - Swami Vivekananda

This is what the real happiness I was talking about;the one inside us.There is a long way to go and battles are won and lost,but there is hope because we cant let ourselves be affected by anything which is not real.I have not yet reached that state but have made sure it exists.I call it the Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.

The happiness I looked for was within.Happiness was in the pure light.That happiness was in hope.

It was about awareness and in the truth that lead to unconditioned and pure joy.Happiness was about great things we could achieve,and about the things that make us realize our greatness and still makes us ready to learn more.Happiness was about destroying ourselves and letting go of our ego to become god-like.It was in Freedom and the things that were pure and good.Happiness was in the lowness and the rise that would also strike soon.Happiness was in everything and a kind of constant beauty.

HAPPINESS is in the Now.